Frustrations

I have been dealing with feelings of inadequacy and failure for the last few days. It seems as though people are concerned with only telling me what I am doing wrong, or how to do something better. Am I overreacting, or is there validity in their statements?

I can't get over the fact that maybe I really am a bad mom... Carrie is still in diapers; her hair isn't in cute bows; Duncan can't sit still; we hardly ever make it through church without a melt down; my house and car are usually not clean; I'm behind on laundry- all the time; I let my kids watch too much tv; my kids usually end up in my bed at night; I let Carrie sleep in and the list could go on...

I have been trying hard to let the comments roll off of my back, but they don't ever end. I ended up in tears yesterday because of something I hadn't done right with Carrie and Duncan. As I have talked to Scott about it, he reassures me that I am a great mother, and appreciates all I do with the kids.

So, I started to think about what I may be doing right with kids. They love to say their prayers, and remind me of when we need to say them; Carrie and Duncan (for the most part) aren't rude and say please and thank you; I hear "me loves you" all day long; Carrie has been able to get herself dressed since she was 2; they both would rather hear Primary songs than Disney music; they love going to see temples; they make me laugh all day long, etc...

So, forgive me if my kids noses are running, or if they don't go to bed in their jammies. I am NOT perfect. I am learning to be a better mom. I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. I'm sorry that my house is messy, but at the end of the day, I love my kids more than I can explain, I am trying to raise them to love the Lord, and hope that despite my shortcomings and faults, people know that my family is the most important thing to me. Maybe one day, when I grow up- things will be different. People won't be so critical, and I won't be so sensitive about it. Until then, I'll keep trying my best to be a good mom.

WOOHOO

If you can't tell by the odd looking thing floating around on the page... I AM PREGNANT! We have been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year, so we are VERY happy to be bringing a new little one into the world. We are due August 24, 2009. My others were 3 weeks early, so who knows when I'll actually have the baby. From July 29-August 22 there are 6 birthdays in our family, so maybe this baby will share one with an aunt or uncle or grandpa or brother...

We don't find out what we are having, which is a lot of fun- and I recommend it to everyone. We've gotten by on getting clothes after the baby is born, and just deal with gender neutral jammies until then. I don't feel any less prepared for the birth by not having a decked out nursery or closet full of clothes. Since I have one of each, this transition will be a little easier.

I hope that everything goes well for the duration of the pregnancy. We had a scare last week which I'll share in another post, but have learned so much from it. Knowing that Heavenly Father is allowing Scott and I to take care of another one is overwhelming and wonderful.

Thank you for all your love and support! We love each and everyone of you! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARRIE LOU!

It is hard to believe that exactly 4 years ago, I gave birth to my sweet daughter, Carrie Louise. She was only 6 lb 4 oz & 18 inches long. She had a perfectly round head with just a little bit of hair. My first memory of her was hearing her cry- it reminded me of a little lamb cry. It was perfect. Since that time, she has brought me joy, heartache, astonishment, nervousness, wonder and awe. She has had her struggles, but above it all, she is sweet, tenderhearted, caring, funny, kind and crazy. Although I wish that she was potty trained and slept in her own bed, she is perfect in every other way. She has brought so much joy and love into our home.

Some of my favorite things she does is:

~Eating ice cream with her "Ice Cream Buddy" (Aunt Cherilyn)
~Hiding her dolly from Ol' Man (Grandpa Worthen)
~Listening to her say her prayers
~Organizing her chicken and fries in a line, waiting to be dunked in "sauce" (ranch)
~Calling her Ken doll, "Boyfriend"
~Saying "DUH" after you do something silly
~Talking like a pirate
~Running around in circles, just because you can
~Saying "Me loves you so much"

She is my little princess and I am eternally grateful that Heavenly Father has allowed me to take care of her here on Earth.

I love you so much!!! Happy Birthday Carrie Lou!

Back to diapers...

Many of you know that the headache I currently have is from trying to potty train Carrie. She has learned to go pee in the toilet, but has refused to poop. I think in the whole time we have been working with her, she has pooped in the toilet 3 or 4 times. Part of the problem has been the fact that she gets plugged up easily, and then learned how to hold it in. I have tried everything under the sun to motivate her to use the bathroom, but nothing has worked. In fact, she has now started to boycott the toilet all together, peeing her pants several times a day.

I took her to her doctor today, and he said that some children who have "intense" personalities feel like they need to have total control over everything in their environment. One of them being, peeing and pooping (in their pants). He said that we need to start over with her and put her back in diapers. grrr. We will try this for several weeks- making sure that she doesn't get plugged up so her body will start to recognize that pooping doesn't always hurt. After we get her to not hold it in any more, we will then re-train her to use the bathroom.

I am really frustrated about this situation and wish that I had a magic wand to make it all better. I hope that this new approach will help her and that we can move on with our lives and not have pee or poop be the focus.

Wish us luck, keep us in your prayers- and I'll pray that you never have to deal with the same situation as us. :P

A summary...

I really suck at this blogging thing. I love reading everyone's blogs, but usually have no motivation to update mine.

I am going to post some pictures that summarize the last 2 months, and hopefully you will enjoy them.

Duncan was playing on the 4-wheeler in the garage when I asked him to get off. When I heard screaming, I ran out to find him stuck between the 4-wheeler and the lawn mower. When I picked him up, I noticed that he was now sporting a hole in his face. Off the ER we went where he got 8 stitches. He now has a nasty scar on his chin, but hey- it adds character, right?

Many of you know that my kids are obsessed with pirates, so it made perfect sense to dress them up as pirates. Reid and Cherilyn came down to do the "Trick-or-Treat" part, which was a lot of fun. We then met up with Riley and Alison and ended the evening at One Man Band. Yum.




I finally had to get Duncan's hair cut. When it was wet, the back touched his shoulders, and his sides were past his ears. Other than the curls going away, I was happy to get it cut. (Thanks Debra!) I just wasn't expecting him to look so grown up! We definately have NO babies at this house anymore...




I found Duncan had gotten into the HUGE bucket of flour that was in the kitchen. I didn't know whether to laugh or scream, so I opted to get a picture of him before I cleaned him up. Anytime the camera comes out, Carrie has to get in on the action, so this was her cute attempt at a photo with Duncan. I love it! They really are so cute together!



This was after the first snow fall for the year. Carrie was so excited to go outside with her new hat and gloves. I still can't get over how big she is getting. The other picture is me playing around with the camera. She had mascara on, and I was trying to get a close up of it. I love how it turned out. She is so beautiful!

Well, not a whole lot else has happened, except my deer hunt which was not documented (except a few on my phone) because our battery was dead, again! We really need to buy another one... I did kill a small 2x2, and am happy that we now have a freezer full of meat.

We are looking forward to the holidays this year, but are also sad that my parents will not be out here for it. We miss them tons, and hope they come out soon!

Long time, no post

I am almost embarrassed by how long it has been since I posted a good one. Life has been super crazy between 1 surgery, 1 hospital stay, 1 deer hunt, and well... just life.

I would post some pics of everything but I need to find my cord to the camera first. I did find it in the kids toy room when I reorganized everything, but I set it down and now I can't find it again. (the story of my life) When I find the cord, again, I will post some pics...

I will try to not be so long winded in updating all of us:

SCOTT: He just finished up a Bow hunt for deer, and while he didn't tag anything, he did have a ton of fun just getting out and being in the woods. He went to Monticello for the first part of the hunt and was missed terribly by his family. (thank you mom for all the babysitting you did while he was gone...) He is staying busy at the temple on Fridays, and working lots of overtime. Maybe one day he'll learn to relax and enjoy his time off without worrying about what has to be done next...

LEANNE: I have been crazy busy with school. (I still have all A's. yay) I am currently studying for my Radiology Tech Certification, and will soon take my CNA Certification. I have had the chance to do clinicals at a rest home in Sandy. While it has made me realize how much I want to be an RN and not work at a rest home the rest of my life, it has opened my eyes to things I haven't wanted to think about yet. 1st - I DO NOT want to get old. It just plain sucks to see all these residents who used to live full lives, now have to be spoon fed their puree'd food. 2nd- I will not put my parents in a rest home. I figure that because I am going in to nursing, I will volunteer myself to care for them when they get old(er). 3rd- When I do get old, and if my kids can't take care of me, just take me out back with a handgun. I don't want to spend the end of my life having crappy CNA's wipe my butt, or yelling at me because they have to give me a shower. No thanks... Anyway- life is good. I love learning, and am excited for my new classes to start again after a hard month of clinicals.

CARRIE: Well, we are officially not in diapers anymore. But that doesn't mean we have conquered potty training. While she uses the toilet for peeing, she flat out refuses to poop in the toilet, so I wash panties everyday... over and over again. I am praying that things click in her head one day with regards to pooping b/c I am so tired of washing panties! At then end of July, Carrie got a nasty virus that wiped her out. She wasn't getting any better, and after having a high fever for 2 days and becoming really dehydrated, her pediatrition admitted her to the hospital. She spent the night and the next day there getting lots of IV fluids to get her re-hydrated. Although she wasn't eating much, they felt comfortable in discharging her to get better. She recovered quickly, but we are very aware of the fact that this probably won't be her last hospital stay. (it was #2 for being dehydrated) Her doctor said that some kids just shut down when they are sick, and if they've been hospitilized once for dehydration, you can count on them going in again. That would be Carrie. YAY for insurance.

DUNCAN: At the beginning of July, Duncan had surgery to fix a problem called "trigger thumb". What is that, you ask? Basically, the tendons in his thumbs were kind of stuck in the sheath that surrounds them so his thumbs were locked in a bent position. The only way to straighten them was to manually extend them yourself which caused him a great deal of pain. So, we met with a doctor who recommended surgery to correct it. He had casts on both arms up to his elbows afterwards to keep his incisions clean and dry. They were bright orange, obnoxious, and ended up being weapons. I was happy to have them removed. He is such a trooper! I'm glad that I had them fixed because he now has full use of his thumbs, and even hyperextends them now. He also turned 2 yrs old July 29th. I am sad to not have a baby anymore. He is a lot of fun and tons of energy.... He keeps us all on our toes.

Well, I hope that you've been able to read everything without falling asleep... I will try to post pics ASAP. Our next big thing we are getting ready for is my hunt next month, and then before you know it, Christmas will be here...

Take care!

I am still alive.

More to come soon!

happy Rochelle? jk. i love you